By Pat Aussem, LPC, MAC, Parent Support Coach
My mom, at 83-years young and going strong, is always on the lookout for inspirational materials to email my way and this week introduced me to Shawn Achor. Shawn has a very
entertaining TedX Talk about his work at Harvard on the
topic of happiness.
The upshot of his work is that in our culture, we are in the constant cycle of establishing goal posts to surpass in order to be happy, pushing happiness beyond a self-imposed cognitive limit. It goes along the lines of "If I get this next promotion, I'll be happy", "When I finish my degree, I'll be happy", or more relevant to our callers, "When my child goes to rehab, I'll be happy". The problem with this kind of thinking is that once the goal is achieved, we move the goal post farther away - "Now that my child has gone to rehab, I'll be happy if he does 90 meetings in 90 days or I'll be happy if she doesn't relapse." Happiness seems to be always around the corner, but not in the present moment.
Achor's research suggests that if we can reverse the formula so that happiness is found in the present moment instead of tied to some future event, almost everything else gets better. He states that when we are happy we are likely to be three times more creative; 30% more productive; happy doctors are 20% more likely to make an accurate diagnosis, sales people are over 35% better at making sales, etc.
Some of our callers will say "How can I possibly be happy? I'm only as happy as my least happy child". The thing is that if they improve their outlook, not only will they feel better, but they will model how a healthy adult leads his or her life. It's important to note that worrying is not a proxy for love. If the caller is happier, it doesn't mean that they love their child any less or are not concerned about their well-being.
So what are some steps we can take or suggest to our callers to create more present moment happiness? Achor suggests the following as a 21-day challenge:
1. Send your first email of the day to someone to thank or praise them.
2. Engage in random acts of kindness - even a warm smile goes a long way.
3. Journal daily about one positive experience that occurred to you in the past 24 hours.
4. Exercise even if it's only for 10 minutes.
5. Meditate to relax and focus the brain.
6. Write down three new things daily for which you are grateful.
You don't have to do all of these; just pick one or two and see what happens. Try to make it a daily two-minute habit like brushing your teeth and flossing (you are flossing right? and using sunscreen?). The most important thing you can do is to simply start, and make happiness your habit.
My mom, at 83-years young and going strong, is always on the lookout for inspirational materials to email my way and this week introduced me to Shawn Achor. Shawn has a very entertaining TedX Talk about his work at Harvard on the topic of happiness.
The upshot of his work is that in our culture, we are in the constant cycle of establishing goal posts to surpass in order to be happy, pushing happiness beyond a self-imposed cognitive limit. It goes along the lines of "If I get this next promotion, I'll be happy", "When I finish my degree, I'll be happy", or more relevant to our callers, "When my child goes to rehab, I'll be happy". The problem with this kind of thinking is that once the goal is achieved, we move the goal post farther away - "Now that my child has gone to rehab, I'll be happy if he does 90 meetings in 90 days or I'll be happy if she doesn't relapse." Happiness seems to be always around the corner, but not in the present moment.
Achor's research suggests that if we can reverse the formula so that happiness is found in the present moment instead of tied to some future event, almost everything else gets better. He states that when we are happy we are likely to be three times more creative; 30% more productive; happy doctors are 20% more likely to make an accurate diagnosis, sales people are over 35% better at making sales, etc.
Some of our callers will say "How can I possibly be happy? I'm only as happy as my least happy child". The thing is that if they improve their outlook, not only will they feel better, but they will model how a healthy adult leads his or her life. It's important to note that worrying is not a proxy for love. If the caller is happier, it doesn't mean that they love their child any less or are not concerned about their well-being.
So what are some steps we can take or suggest to our callers to create more present moment happiness? Achor suggests the following as a 21-day challenge:
1. Send your first email of the day to someone to thank or praise them.
2. Engage in random acts of kindness - even a warm smile goes a long way.
3. Journal daily about one positive experience that occurred to you in the past 24 hours.
4. Exercise even if it's only for 10 minutes.
5. Meditate to relax and focus the brain.
6. Write down three new things daily for which you are grateful.
You don't have to do all of these; just pick one or two and see what happens. Try to make it a daily two-minute habit like brushing your teeth and flossing (you are flossing right? and using sunscreen?). The most important thing you can do is to simply start, and make happiness your habit.
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